Usagi Now
White lines chase across my forehead. Crossing beneath the lies I once told to myself. To convince the person within that the truth made of fluff fantasies never existed. The things which I once took as real seemed so brittle once I got a hold of them. Their glowing radiance turned to ash upon my touch. Was it these nervous, trembling extensions of mine that cause your fragile existence to collapse? Or was it just my twisted perception of all that you held. Warping your visage farther and farther away from my sight. Perhaps the only truths that matter are the ones we can live with. Up or down. Otherwise we never do learn those hard lessons thrown straight pitches at us. We just fall and crumble under the pressure of responsibilities and hopes. Responsibilities that are very much real. Ones that I chose to carry, and ones that left me no choice but to burden. But sometimes I find myself bearing that weight to sustain a hope with no substance. What else is it but the false pretense of a better tomorrow? Because try as I might to keep the fire alive, I often take for granted its power to sustain my very own drive to live. Once I let it fall to pieces, so does my very own world. Once I catch myself awake at the bottom’s end, I realize what horrible mistakes I’ve committed. And I pity. Not those I have hurt, but myself for allowing the child grow up to become such a monster that it haunts my waking dreams. I can pledge to do better, I can indeed, but that won’t help if there’s nothing to show for.
Today I met a rabbit. Her color so silver and brown. Her scent of such fresh green. Her eyes of lucid black. An her appearance of such tender innocence. I butchered that rabbit and hung her up on the back of my mind. Severing her toes and tossing them to the trash. Her ears I kept adorning her head. Out of respect for her grace. And so she can perhaps hear my confessions and one day speak to me in fair game.
